


Just like when we were kids

by writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle (twoandahalfslytherins)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: As in- it happened that night, F/F, F/M, Former Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Victim Blaming, Past Rape/Non-con, Woman Rapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:19:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoandahalfslytherins/pseuds/writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angelica doesn't have all the answers, but she does have a few tricks up her sleeve when her frantic sister shows up in her driveway crying and refusing to talk about what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just like when we were kids

The key isn’t under the mat.

Angelica always keeps her key under the mat, but Eliza’s hands are shaking and she can’t find it. The mat has been thrown, discarded into the yard and she’s moved on to checking the nearby rocks, picking each one up. Frantically hoping for a false bottom, for one to have a little extra baggage.

All she gets is worms.

Somehow, that’s the thing that tips her over the edge. Pushes her from ‘frantic’ to ‘sobbing’. Eliza chucks the rock at the deck, stares when it clatters against the concrete sidewalk instead. Probably for the best, Eliza doesn’t want to break any of Angelica’s things after all. She’s just…

She doesn’t know what she is.

Just knows she wants to be inside that house. Inside with her sister. Inside where it’s safe. Inside where nobody can touch her.

And she wants to stop crying. Wants a tissue. Wants her cell phone for distraction, so that she can call and see if Angelica’s even home. Wants the bottle of water she always carries. 

Wants a lot of things but her bag is not here. Her bag is somewhere she doesn’t think she’ll ever go again.

And she doesn’t want to think about that. 

Doesn’t want to think at all.

Eliza curls in on herself as she notices the car pulling into the driveway. Maria’s. Angelica’s has been there all evening but maybe, just maybe Ang had been out with her girlfriend. Maybe she’s finally coming home.

Maybe they can save her.

-

Maria picks her up off the ground, helps her stand on her own two feet again and Eliza doesn’t want to think about how this looks. Crying outside of her older sister’s house, dirt all over her dress and under her nails.

But they don’t ask. Angelica guides her inside, arm wrapped around her waist. It helps her feel less small.

There must be some form of unspoken communication going on because Maria disappears into the kitchen at the same time that Angelica helps her sit on the couch.

But this? This was the easy part. This? Was the end of her planning.

Get inside where it’s safe... Now what?

Angelica’s still standing, hovering nearby. “Do you want a blanket? Do you want to be left alone? Or do you need me to stay?”

She pauses after every question, waiting for a moment for Eliza to respond. Eliza nods to the first, shakes her head to the second. Stares blankly at the third, not quite willing to say ‘stay’. Angelica seems to understand, calls for Maria to grab a blanket from the bedroom.

It’s there within a few minutes, large and fluffy, purple in color. Angelica helps wrap it around her even as Maria disappears back into the kitchen.

“Was it Hamilton again?” Maria asks when she comes back, holding a coffee cup.

The warmth feels nice in Eliza’s hands, even if she’s not sure she could drink right now to save her life. Eliza shakes her head at the question.

“Are you sure? Because if that son-of-a-bitch ever lays hands on you again...:”

Eliza has heard the threats before. Knows Maria’s anger is personal. Knows Maria knows about men who take what they are not given. Alexander has officially been out of her life for a year. She’s just glad he left before she got pregnant.

She’d been young. So young. So ready to forgive him for each new bout of temper. It was just the price one paid for a husband so powered by passion. So driven. Alexander was going to change the world.

Part of her still hopes he can. Just hopes that he’s never close enough to anyone again to leave bruises like ink stains on them. His mind was still a wonder.

It’d be easy to let them think it was Alex. He still calls from time to time. Tries to apologize some of them. Other times he’s drunk and just seems to have forgotten they aren’t together anymore. She could say that she’s upset over a voicemail. She could claim to have met up with him for coffee, to try and maybe talk things out.

But it wasn’t Alexander.

Eliza clenches the mug between her fingers, tries to let the warmth ground her. She’s not sure she’s ever going to feel grounded again.

Angelica sends Maria a look and then stops to rest a hand on Eliza’s knee. “Hey, your dress got a little dirty and it’s been cold and wet outside. Maybe a change of clothes will help you feel better.”

A change of clothes. Eliza nods. She can do that. She can change her outfit. She follows Angelica back to the bedroom, grateful that Maria chooses to stay behind. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate everything Maria is doing, she does. It’s just that everything is vibrating. It’s all too much. And while she’s known Maria for almost five years now, while she loves her to pieces.

She isn’t her sister.

There’s a pair of sweatpants on the bed when she walks into the room and Angelica is going through her closest in search of a top. Eventually comes back with a hoodie, a tank top, and a t-shirt from her college days. Eliza gives her a shaky smile in response. It’s a sweet gesture, an obvious attempt to make sure that Eliza is as comfortable as possible.

After a moment, it apparently occurs to Angelica that Eliza isn’t going to get changed with her in the room, and she sends her a reassuring smile. “I’ll just be outside the bedroom door, okay? Call out if you need anything.”

The door between them feels more significant than it should. Feels like a brick wall, like a step backward.

Eliza stares at the clothes. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re close enough in size that Angelica’s stuff always fits, or is at least too big. Especially the things from college when that had been her aesthetic. 

Eliza misses college. When it was easy. When she and Alex were still happy. When she felt like she had her entire life ahead of her still.

Not…

Not more of this…

“Eliza?” Angelica calls out, and Eliza blinks, realizes she must be taking too long. “Is everything okay?”

No.

No, everything's not okay.

But she doesn’t know how to say that. How to explain it. How to talk about what happened tonight because… can it even really compare.

To what Alexander did. To what James Reynolds did to Maria. 

It’s nothing and still she’s frozen.

Fingers on the zipper of her dress, unable to convince herself to take it off. She doesn’t want this. Doesn’t want to be bare. And it’s ridiculous because she’s in Angelica’s house and Angelica is right there and Angelica…

Angelica would never hurt her.

Angelica is the only person that Eliza can say that about right now.

She can trust Angelica, right? 

“Can you come in, please?” Eliza hates the way her voice wavers.

But Angelica comes in, and it’s okay. Because she’s not alone. Because Angelica is here and Angelica? Angelica isn’t going to hurt her.

“I can’t… I want to… but I can’t.” The phrases are stopping and starting in her brain and she can’t seem to get the words out right.

Angelica nods as if she understands, walks forward to grab the sweat pants first. Kneels at Eliza’s feet to help her climb into them, one leg at a time. Allows Eliza to pull them up the rest of the way. Next comes the giant shirt, which Angelica helps pull over her head, though shakes her own when Eliza goes to put her arms through the sleeves.

“I’m going to unzip you now if that’s okay?” Angelica waits for a nod before walking behind her, slips her hand up the back of the shirt to unzip the dress. Walks around to the front so that she can help Eliza pull her arms out of the sleeves before allowing the dress to the fall to the ground.

An almost full change of clothes and she hadn’t had to be naked once. A trick that Ang probably learned with Maria. But it’s a beautiful trick none the less and this time, when Angelica reaches out for her, Eliza goes willfully.

Allows her sister to pull her into her arms and cradle her to her chest. Allows herself to be rocked back and forth. Allows the motion to try and soothe her. 

Eliza almost thinks she has herself back under control when Angelica speaks, “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Angelica hums and Eliza vaguely recognizes it as a lullaby their mother used to sing. “Don’t want to or don’t know how?”

Another thing Angelica has probably learned from dealing with Maria and part of Eliza hates herself for needing this. Maria was a real victim. A real survivor. Someone who had been through something worth special care.

Eliza… Eliza had just gotten spooked. Maybe. “I don’t know how.”

Carefully Angelica guides her back toward the bed and Eliza sits down. Rubs at her face and says nothing when Angelica steps to the hallway. When she comes back, Maria is in tow, a mug of tea and a glass of water in each of their hands. Angelica sets the tea down first and then reaches for the water, hands it to Eliza when she gets it. 

And then, as if they’d discussed it, Maria leaves. And Eliza hates herself for that too. That she’s made Maria a guest in her own home.

“Why don’t we start at the beginning? Did something happen tonight? Or did you just get reminded of something else?”

Angelica’s being so patient and Eliza takes a small sip of her water. “Tonight.”

If anything happened at all. If what happened counted as something. Eliza’s still not sure about that. Not sure she’s worth all this love and care.

Tries to tell herself she isn’t wasting her sister’s time.

Angelica settles on the bed, just far enough away that they aren’t touching, but that Eliza could lean into her if she wanted. “Were you alone or with someone when you got upset?”

Part of her wants to lie. Say that she got upset alone. It wouldn’t even be a complete lie, she hadn’t started feeling like sobbing until she was in Angelica’s yard after all. But Angelica’s asking and Angelica’s her sister and Angelica would never hurt her-

Right?

Eliza stares at the cuticle of her right thumb. “With someone.”

“And it’s not about Alexander at all? It wasn’t one of his friends? No one came and tried to give you hell about the divorce or guilt you about anything- right?”

No. While she’d never forgive Alexander for what he’d done… His friends hadn’t treated her badly. Didn’t know the worst of what he did, so she doesn’t blame them for staying with him. Especially because she heard that Hercules once punched him for calling her a bitch. Usually, she isn’t a fan of violence, but the story had filled her with a small bit of glee. 

So Eliza shakes her head and Angelica thinks of her next question. “Will you tell me who you were with?”

That one… That one Eliza isn’t sure she can answer. Because then Angelica will know. Will know who it is. And that seems worse than it just being a faceless nobody. Especially because Eliza doesn’t want anything to happen to Theo she just…

“Okay,” Angelica hums again for a moment, “Will you tell me their gender? I won’t ask any other identifying questions or if I know them after, I promise.”

Alright. Maybe she can do that. Maybe this won’t be so bad. “Uhm, I was with a woman.”

There’s a hand on her knee again and Eliza stares at it, doesn’t want to think about what she’s just admitted. After a pause, Angelica seems to have figured out her next question. “Eliza, with the clothing and… I have to ask, okay? I have to ask. Did she touch you? Without your permission?”

The comforter on the bed is a nice burgundy, and she picks at it, unwilling to look up. “I didn’t say no.”

And she hadn’t. She hadn’t said no. She’d just frozen under Theo’s questing fingers, kept trying to remind her that she had a husband. That Aaron would be home soon. But apparently Aaron knew her fascination with women, said it was okay so long as it was with women. Had told her that she needed to go home soon. Theo had said it’d only take a moment. Just a moment.

Didn’t she want to feel good?

A break?

When the mug shatters, Eliza stares. She’d stopped being aware she was holding it minutes ago, but it’s on the floor now and she must have dropped it. 

Angelica shushes her, says it’s okay. Goes and grabs a towel to clean it up and by the time she’s returned, Eliza has tucked herself into a ball. 

“It’s not your fault.”

Eliza laughs, a bitter sound. “I dropped the mug. I think that’s a direct correlation there.”

“What happened tonight? Is not your fault.” Angelica clarifies. “Just because you didn’t say no- doesn’t mean you said yes.”

“I could have made her stop.”

Could have pushed Theo off of her. Could have screamed. Could have said no. Could have fought. Could have done anything but sit there as the woman who she thought was her friend…

Eliza sobs. “I could have made her stop.”

Angelica doesn’t contradict her. “You shouldn’t have been put in a situation where you needed to make her stop. She should have asked first. Should have checked in.”

Should have’s and could have’s and none of it changed the fact that Eliza was curled up in a ball on her sister’s bed. Preventing her sister’s girlfriend from being there. 

“I should go.” She says suddenly, stands up and tries to pretend that it doesn’t send the world spinning. “I don’t want to ruin your night with Maria.”

“Stay the night.” Angelica counters, standing up and giving her a steadying arm. “We can all sleep in the living room. That way no one is alone.”

That.. That doesn’t sound too bad actually.

Angelica continues her support of the idea. “We even have an airbed. I’ll grab it from the guest room and blow it up, how does that sound?”

Still, Eliza has to be sure. “Are you sure I won’t be a bother?”

“Not a bother at all,” Angelica assures her. “And look, I’ll make your favorite pancakes in the morning and you can help squeeze the juice just like we did when we were kids.”

It doesn’t change what happened. Eliza knows it won’t make everything go away.

But the reminder of all the support she has? It gives her hope.


End file.
